Neeru Bhatnagar
My name is Neeru Bhatnagar, I am 63 year old. I was 22 when I got married and came to live in England. Initially when I came here, it was a very tough life. It was the Thatcher era, a time of a very deep recession. We lived in Leicester for about 14 years. That's where I had my two daughters. And after that we moved to Edinburgh. The reason for moving to Edinburgh was that my in-laws and my brother-in-law bought a business here.
My husband is a chartered accountant, so he was working in big firms in London or Nottingham at that time. I used to drop him off at the station early in the morning and pick him up at eight at night every day. My children were very small then, so that time was difficult. He used to travel a lot, so I couldn't work, but I couldn't cope without work. Eventually I started to work at Shama Women's Centre. I made a lot of close friendships there.
I'm very comfortable with people, and they quickly come very close to me. Some friends that I have in Edinburgh I know for decades. We have been family friends for a long time; our children have grown up together. Overall, the 42 years that I have been in this country, I have lived on the strength of my friends and I have had very long lasting relationships with all my friends.
Initially my husband had a group of about eleven friends that he met through his job and University. There were three doctors, four accountants, three engineers, and three house wives when I got married and came to UK. The rest were still not married. They all used to go to pubs, so I went with them. I had a fun time actually. I used to drink only a bit of brandy before, but then they started to teach me drinking shandy or other small light drinks. They were all drinking a pint, but said that a pint would be too much for me. We used to meet three times a week. We went to pubs and after that sat and played cards at night until 6 in the morning. Once my children were born, it slowed down, however. Everybody else was married and had children and meeting became a bit difficult then. We used to only meet for birthdays or picnics, always gathering at places where we could take our children as well. I had wonderful years with my husband's friends.
As a child I went to a private school that had lessons in English. I was always the monitor in the class, and my mother is a retired head teacher, so I really was a tomboy, I ruled. Despite speaking English and having all this confidence, I did lose it when I came here. It took a little bit of a while to get accustomed, even though the only thing that I found very difficult was understanding the accent. And I have always remembered that although I was a graduate, although I had started working there, although I had all the confidence, I still needed help in this country when I came. And it turned out to be my mother in law that had to help me.
When I came from India, I came into my husband’s family, having no other relatives here. I needed a connection with other people, because my parents, my family, are all in New Delhi. I make friends very easily, but there is always a gap. You're always yearning for your own kind of blood relation or contact. And as such, that gap has always stayed here. I still to date don't have any other relatives in this country other than my two daughters.
I used to go to India every year. This is just recently that I haven't managed to go for nearly three years. I was talking to my sister today and she was saying that I must come to visit, because my mom is not that well: she’s got dementia and is a bit frail at the moment. I do video call every day with my mother though. It feels almost as if we are meeting. Sometimes I take my phone to the kitchen, show her what I’m cooking, and ask her what spices to put into this or that, sometimes she throws a casual remark, and that keeps her connected.
Both of my daughters are very attached to me, but my older one is more sensitive. Now she wants me to move somewhere closer to her and her partner. She says that if I was nearby, they would pop in to see me more often, which I understand. But I think leaving this house is a tough decision for me. I've lived in this house for a long time, I have a lot of memories here. I didn't want to leave the previous house where my daughters were born either, but I did. Now I've become very accustomed to this place. And even if my daughters don't live here, I see them in this house everywhere, in every detail that brings memories.
I have had a good life. Some parts of it have been stressful as I'm divorced now, and one doesn't take these decisions lightly. But thank God my daughters have educated themselves, they are in good professions, they are very level headed, they are not into designer stuff, they're very grounded children and I'm very proud of them. I'm happy with the life that I have lived in this country. So overall I think I am very content.
This country has given me a lot of love, a lot of care, a lot of safety. I haven't faced much racism, although my husband did. It feels like in Scotland some people like to think that they are not racist, but I think they are. Racism does exist. To me, this place is home and I don’t want to leave it.